Carving Initials Into Desks

Something’s happened. Your day-dreaming quota is through the roof. You’re Facebook stalking like a pro. You find yourself compulsively hugging your knees and grinning like a Cheshire, or pogoing around your apartment and shrieking. Face it- you’ve got a crush on someone.

OH GOD.

What to do, you implore? Not much. Don’t overthink; don’t do anything too stupid; remember to eat once in a while. Your euphoria might not last forever, and it might not last the summer, and it might not last the week, but dammit, right now, it’s new and exciting and all your single friends are jealous. Now is awesome. Focus on now.

To add some extra height to that hop in your step, here’s a playlist for all you twitterpated punks out there (to be played in sequential order).

1. I’ve Just Seen A Face, The Beatles

2. Suddenly Everything Has Changed, The Postal Service

3. First Day Of My Life, Bright Eyes

4. Balance Beam, Blue October

5. Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional

6. Come Down With Love, Allstar Weekend

7. She’s Got You High, Mumm Ra

8. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out, The Smiths

9. As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessional

10. Die Alone, Ingrid Michaelson

11. Tiger Lily, Matchbook Romance

12. All My Loving, The Beatles

13. I Will Hold On, Moxy Fruvous

14. Giving Up, Ingrid Michaelson

15. Her Beautiful Ideas, The Guggenheim Grotto

16. Never Gonna Leave This Bed, Maroon 5

17. Parachute, Ingrid Michaelson

18. Blue Skies, Blue October

19. 18^th Floor Balcony, Blue October

20. Take Over The World, Juliana Daily

Deserve Better Playlist

Let’s face it: you miss your ex.

He was sweet. He was comfortable. He was familiar. He was also a total loser and a creep, which is why you gave him the boot- but that doesn’t make it any easier to fill the hole he left in your life.

This is a playlist for the dumpers: those girls and boys who were honest with themselves, ended things quickly and cleanly, and still can’t get their erstwhile significant other off their minds.

I’ll be the first to say it: you deserve better. You deserve someone who can live up to your expectations, who’s cool and who thinks you’re cool too. Right now, you deserve time alone to wade through your confused feelings, knock back a few margaritas and begin your life anew. And dammit, you need a soundtrack while you do it.

Without further ado: the Deserve Better Playlist (to be played in sequential order).

1. I Should Have Sent Roses, Elton John & Leon Russell
2. Not Goin’ Cry, Mary J. Blige
3. Gone, Ben Folds
4. Turn The Lights Out When You Leave, Elton John
5. Did You Give Enough Love, Celine Dion
6. Once Was Love, Ingrid Michaelson
7. Why Should People Stay The Same, Harry Chapin
8. Sorry To Myself, Alanis Morissette
9. Shesmovedon, Porcupine Tree
10. Why Don’t You Love Me, Beyonce
11. No More Tears (Enough Is Enough), Barbra Streisand & Donna Summer
12. When A Woman Doesn’t Want You, Elton John
13. Been Down, Blue October
14. Irreplaceable, Beyonce
15. My Heart Dances, Elton John (from The Road To El Dorado)
16. Stronger Than Me, Melissa Etheridge
17. Better Than Me, Hinder
18. I Look So Good (Without You), Jessie James
19. Now I Feel Better, Ayo
20. Stronger, Britney Spears
21. U Should Know Better, Robyn feat. Snoop Dogg
22. Can’t Touch It, Ricki-Lee
23. Better Days, Bruce Springsteen
24. Miss Independent, Ne-Yo
25. Whole Lot Of Leavin’, Bon Jovi
26. Strong Enough, Cher
27. Independent Woman, Boy George (from Taboo)
28. Love Is On The Way, Celine Dion
29. Haven’t Met You Yet, Michael Buble

For your listening ease and pleasure, this playlist is also available on Grooveshark.

Womannequin Goes Viral!

My article “Womannequin” was picked up by Global Grind!

Check it out here.

(And yes, for those of you in the peanut gallery, a response post to your comments on “Womannequin” IS coming. Patience!)

Womannequin

I hate breast implants. With a passion. I find them disingenuous and unfair. I feel the same about most forms of plastic surgery, but breasts implants are anathema.

“Real Woman,” a ladies’ night anthem by Natalia Cappuccini, is right up my alley. Natalia, a 2008 newcomer with only a handful of released singles, opens the song with a computerized voice combining the words “woman” and “mannequin.” She proceeds to rap and sing about the “womannequin” phenomenon, rejecting standards of female beauty for herself and her audience.

The song’s lyrics are strong throughout, but the first verse has the most concrete examples and memorable lines (“But my legs ain’t long like Tyra Banks’ / Doctor, what can you do for me?”) The beat is fit for the dance floor, the message powerful and clear. Aesthetically, I have no problems with this single.

The biggest issue with “Real Woman” is, ironically, Natalia herself. For all her insistence of rejecting female beauty standards, Natalia is a lot hotter than the average woman. Critics complain that, in order to be true, the song should be sung by a REAL “Real Woman,” perhaps one who doesn’t wear makeup or have a flat stomach. Furthermore, Natalia sings about how attractive she is to men, regardless of not being a “clone.” Must women base their self-worth on the attentions of men?, the critics chirp.

These arguments are greater than I can tackle in a single blog post. However, here’s my quick and dirty response.

Judging by her appearance (which I’m guessing is something I shouldn’t do, given the content of the song), Natalia is aiming at a target audience of preteen girls. In that case, I accept her Hollywood physique. It is economically unfeasible to be overweight or plain-looking in the entertainment industry. Furthermore, puberty is awkward and awful, and I’m not about to withdraw any positive messages for young girls just because those messages are brought by role models who look like runway models.

Bottom line? If Natalia, in her precious four minutes of air time on the radio, can start to bridge the gap between being beautiful and being smart, more power to her. You go, girl.